Eek, me ☝🏽 thinking about all the deadlines coming up😰...deadlines😵...deadlines🤯...and more deadlines😭.
It's the last couple of weeks of, hopefully, my last academic semester. So, here's to not seeing the daylight for a couple of days haha.
Well, here we are in the finale...and yet it is the beginning. I want to start with an affirmation I recite in the morning that I learned in one of Chani Nicholas's courses, which is the following:
I am attracted to people, places, and things that affirm me and my experience in the world. I am attracted to folks that work on their own healing. I am attracted to folks with fantastic boundaries. I am attracted to folks that inspire me to grow, learn, hold me lovingly accountable, experience and fully live life.❤️
Lately, I’ve been meeting these folks.😌 I've also been able to find some closure on things and finally feel ready to move forward to meeting more people, getting out of my bubble, and embarking on new adventures...internally, externally, artistically, intellectually, spiritually, etc.
My childhood friend Ja'Nai (looking effortlessly cool) and me (looking effortlessly weird)...also a hint or two about what's to come in the new design!
This past weekend, I went up to the Bay Area to visit my childhood friend. It was such a needed trip! We got to meet up with her friends too! We had these rich conversations, yummy food🤤, and much laughter! During one of those days, one of her friends helped me to relearn how to skate. I tend to get a lot that I look like a skater, but it's been a very long time since I've gotten on a board. 😬
Well, I ended up falling off haha. And oh my gosh it hurt like hell. It felt like I was body slammed and I was super embarrassed because there were people at the park there on Sunday. Anyways, I rolled over and just laid there on the asphalt.
Definitely like this ☝🏽
(GIF by Janice Chun)
So, I just laid there...in absolute fucking pain, but I felt so happy. "Is this what belonging feels like? Is this what freedom feels like?" I asked myself as I reflected quickly in that moment about the weekend I just had. I rolled over again and kept trying...and trying...and trying until I realized I had to drive back. I ended up being severe pain that night and the next day, but I realized a couple of things during that weekend in terms of finding and connecting with like-minded people.
Not-so-fun-fact, I have social anxiety, yes the actual diagnosis (in addition to some other stuff)...but I'm noticing I've made a lot of progress! 👊🏽😆🙌🏽 I've been pushing myself these past couple of years and I've come a long way from the teen who was afraid to go outside and cross the street and enter grocery stores to now socializing and being more open with others. I know I still have a very long way to go, but I guess what I'm trying to get at is that my life will also be my art and vice versa.
I opened up with this because I think the skateboard metaphor will capture this journey. I tried something. I fell hard. I felt like a fool...then I got up and tried again... and again...and again...and again...and again...
And that is how I would like to keep approaching my life and art...even if I try and I fail and I risk humiliation, embarrassment, empty and unfounded criticism and judgment...I want to get back up even if the world laughs at me.😤💪🏽
So, yes this is the final of this series...but it's also the beginning. As I said, I feel like I’ve finally gotten some clarity and closure on things and I'm ready to move forward with greater focus, clearer intentions, stronger boundaries, and much, much, much more room for play, laughter, connection, adventure, and new experiences.
I was honestly sad when I had to leave haha...but to cheer myself up I’ll be visiting a skateboard shop soon. Hello, old friend. 😻
So what to expect from here on out?...
Well, I've been building an "inspiration wall," an idea I got from a virtual workshop taught by Pennylane Shen. Here, I'm putting up some of my past work: paintings, letterpress prints, photography prints, digital collage, calligraphy, etc. I still have to probably have a wall that has solely photography prints, but I'm trying to see some patterns and themes. That's my homework in addition to completing the design I'm working on now.
So, I'll continue to document my creative, human, and spiritual journey and create designs/art that reflect that journey. I'm also interested in the intersection of mental health, creativity and living a deep, intentional, and authentic life.
Probably we can learn about life and art together!
I know my background will bring a different lens, but instead of giving advice I’d just like to use myself as my own social experiment. Again, I hope in sharing this journey it can help another awesomely weird human being in internet land.😊
I'll end here saying I don't think there is anyone on this planet that has or will have the exact combination of skills, talents, gifts, experiences, perspectives, etc. that you or I have! 🤯 We're literal miracles walking around, regardless if people can't see that...or even if we forget that (I definitely do😖.) But I think this quote by Martha Graham captures what I'm trying to say:
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost.
The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with others expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.
Well, may we express that life force 💫 within us...at the very least to know what if feels like to feel and be alive. 😌🙏🏽
From a weird human being finding her way,
-Sandy from The Underground Galaxy 🌞🌃🔭🤸🏽♀️🌻
See you in two weeks! ✌🏽❤️
P.S. I dyed my hair...again haha😅 I'm trying to get to this one color, but it might take a couple of tries before I probably go back to a blue/green color. Here's to also using my hair as a canvas...😁and hopefully learning how to smile and not have creepy selfies🤦🏽♀️...one day sandy...one day.😋
Last thing, I maybe retiring my first design once I launch the new one. So if you'd like, buy one! I'm excited to share something new after so long haha, but I hope you have an awesome week! Take care!👋🏽